?

I’m supposed to be preparing to travel, but my head is spinning with thoughts and ideas. Where did the school year go? How am I going to fit in all the things I had planned with the time that’s left? Have I missed any important lessons, lessons not in the curriculum that my students needed, need, to know? I guess the thoughts and ideas are really questions.

At one point in the year, my admin started a meeting by asking the staff to describe their mindset in one word. My word was ‘questioning’. Since the masters coursework last year, that’s my mindset. It’s kind of driving me a bit crazy because I constantly question, think, think from a different direction, add another layer to my thinking or the issue at hand, etc., etc., etc. I do this to all conversations and thoughts. As I do that, I continue to learn how the coursework last year impacted me on a professional and personal level.

I still can’t quite wrap my head around the way the that year has changed me. I thought I’d go to SFU, learn some things about teaching, work that learning into my teaching practice and that would be that. But I’m still processing my learning, and as I process I’m discovering that this new mindset is more a mindset of change and questioning rather than a new static level of teaching practice.

So, instead of getting ready for my trip, my mind spins with questions. Instead of joining in on conversations in the staffroom, I sit and listen and wonder, sometimes, if I can actually say what’s on my mind. Instead of going to work each day and leaving happily tired, I leave with questions and wonderings that go unanswered. It’s unsettling, scattered and uncomfortable.

I guess I’m still getting used to the new outlook, mindset, and way of thinking. I wonder how long it will take to get used to…