For the last few weeks I’ve been on a medical leave from teaching. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me that’s life threatening but there are still a lot of unknowns with my medical challenges at this point. Even with a few weeks of resting, I’m still sick. I don’t think there’s anything happening that I can’t recover from. I’m hoping there’s not.
My job right now, then, is to heal and commit to self care. I need to be the priority. I’m not good at that. Even feeling as rotten as I do, it’s hard to convince myself that resting is actually useful. It’s difficult for me. I was complaining at the start of all this about how much I love my job and working with the kids and how guilty I felt about the medical leave and how much I love teaching. The person I was talking to said, well, now you need to focus on life’s teachings instead of teaching. Huh. Simple shift, really. So, for the first time in a long time I’m focusing on myself and paying attention to life’s teachings.
What life is teaching me right now is that I need to sleep (10-11 hrs a day of that deep, healing sleep right now…it’s crazy…). I need to exercise – walking and yoga are part of the plan to get better. Drawing and writing seem good (time to blog? me? weird…). I’ve been reading and taking photos. I’m spending time with my kids. One big daily goal is to try to find food I can eat. That is a huge challenge. I can’t get better if I can’t eat so this is a priority. I can eat next to nothing without an allergic reaction or a variety of other symptoms but I’m learning what sits well and what I need to stay away from.
I need to stay away from certain mindsets too. I need to not become housebound and slide into an unmotivated slump. It’s my biggest fear. I’m not a good stay at home person. I get bored and disinterested when I’m not faced with a ton of external pressures and responsibilities. I’ve said before that, as much as I love spending time with my sons, I’d be a terrible stay at home mom. I have to keep my mind active and make sure I live each day and not just exist, if that makes any sense.
I was quite hesitant about writing this post because I don’t know how long I’m off work at this point and this is my professional blog. But, I’m only human and humans get sick. I’m still a life-long learner regardless and I want to write here regularly while I am off. I love writing. I’ve missed blogging. A lot. I think reflection with the purpose of writing in this space will be valuable learning and a great way to focus on what life is teaching me, right now.